Lui ou toi
by Sakura-chan79
Summary: [TakanarixHainexShizumasa] Haine can’t quite decide who she likes more. She can’t quite decide who she’d rather be with. Is it Shizumasa, the one who dried her tears all those years ago, or is it Takanari, the one who has been by her side this whole time?


**Author's Note: **There's so little here and I'm just so obsessed with this manga, that I decided I must write something! I have the perfect song in mind too. I suppose this takes place around the time she finds out about the Tougu twins. I think the song really fits that part of the manga :3 and I think she should pick Takanari-sama. If not, I'll gladly take him off her hands. Doesn't he look so much like Takuto though, from _Full Moon wo Sagashite? _And Shizumasa-sama looks an awful lot like Eichi-kun from _Full Moon _too doesn't he? Well, at least in my mind they look like them .

Well anyway! The song I chose is a French one, but I'll use English lyrics. I'm not good enough at French to write a French fiction (my grammar is horrible unless I get my French teacher to correct it all, and since my semester with her is now over, I won't even try on my own). But it is a really pretty song, so I hope you all enjoy it.

EDIT: Many thanks to **Reaching Skyhigh **for telling me about the "No Songfic's" rule. That makes me sad, since I love writing them, but I don't wanna break any rules, so I've taken out the lyrics. Instead, go to the following site to see the lyrics that inspired the fiction: http // www . alizee-fanpage . com/

Take out the spaces of course :3 If you enter the site, you can find the lyrics to her songs.

**Summary: -**TakanarixHainexShizumasa- Haine can't quite decide who she likes more. She can't quite decide who she'd rather be with. Is it Shizumasa, the one who dried her tears all those years ago, or is it Takanari, the one who has been by her side this whole time?

**Disclaimer: **Arina Tanemura owns all the wonderful characters from _Shinshi Doumei Cross _and the song _Lui ou toi _belongs to the great Alizée Jacotey.

* * *

My world has been shattered and turned upside down, all in a split second. I had thought for so long that it was Shizumasa-sama as Koutei, who by my side for so long. It never crossed my mind that maybe it wasn't Shizumasa-sama at all, but someone else entirely. Not knowing of a twin, it's not surprising is it? If everyone say's he's Shizumasa-sama, and even _he _says he's Shizumasa-sama, who am I to question it? Who am I to suspect a lie? But that's what it was; a lie. 

Shizumasa-sama was my life; it was because of him that I could keep going. Because he dried my tears that lonely night, because he took me by the hand and led me to a place of happiness, I was able to smile again. Because he smiled at me, I was able to keep on through even the worst of times. When I was with him for that short time, everything seemed so much brighter and the time passed so quickly; yet without him time goes so slowly. Or, it did until my world was shattered and turned upside down; now everything is a gale that threatens to push me over the side of a cliff.

Thinking back, Takanari-sama was always so different Shizumasa-sama; he was cold and distant and he hurt me so much. He hardly ever smiled and when he did, it wasn't really a smile; it was more like a smirk. How could I have ever mistaken him for Shizumasa-sama? For one thing, Takanari-sama has dark hair and Shizumasa-sama has blond hair. And their personalities are different in such ways that I cannot begin to fathom. Even their voices are different; Shizumasa-sama's is like a gentle breeze that will hold me gently; Takanari-sama's voice is like the ocean. It is so deep and powerful that I feel like I could lose myself in it. It can be gentle and loving or it can be powerful and cruel.

Takanari-sama is the older of the two of them, but it was Shizumasa-sama who I really fell in love with. I remember that night at his house and wearing that short dress I was given…It was a dream come true to be with the one I loved. His kindness touched me so deeply; I fell even more in love with him. I didn't even know Takanari-sama existed then; how can I feel this way when I have always loved Shizumasa-sama? What is it that makes me feel like he hurt me? Surely it was only Takanari-sama who has hurt me…Shizumasa-sama never would hurt me, would he?

Takanari-sama is mysterious though. I have only known him for a short time, in which I thought he was Shizumasa-sama, but he really is very mysterious. His eyes darken and his smile fades at the mention of his brother. He hardly ever talks about him home life. I don't really know him, but to pretend that he was Shizumasa-sama and to pretend he liked me…that hurt more than anything else has, even when my father sold me to another family. His lie hurt me even more. Still, there is a pain in my heart that doesn't come from that lie; what could it be? Why do I keep crying when there is nothing to cry over? I have Shizumasa-sama; surely that is enough.

Takanari-sama continually fills my thoughts though. More than anyone else, I think about him. I remember everything we shared together; all the laughter, the tears, the joys, the sorrows…I treasure it all, but now…something has changed with him. He's being himself I think; he isn't trying to hide his true self anymore, not to me at least. Oh, everyone still thinks he is Shizumasa-sama, and to them he is. But to me, he is Takanari-sama. He is himself. Like that time in the Aerial Garden, constructed to be like Waltz Häagen, the forest from Shizumasa-sama's story. He wouldn't "wake up" until I called him by his real name. For some reason, even though he lied, even though they _both _lied, I still feel lonely without Takanari-sama around.

My heart is in pain; I feel so alone even when there are fifty people around me. Every time I turn around though, Takanari-sama is there, smiling at me. That pain seems to fade, and the little voice of truth in my head whispers something to me every time, but I don't know what it says. I make myself not hear it. Am I weak? Takanari-sama's voice makes me want to fall to my knees. Shizumasa-sama's voice, on the other hand, makes me want to smile for all eternity. Whose do I like better? I cannot decide…

You, Shizumasa-sama, I love so very much. Truly I do; surely you are the only one for me! But no matter how many times I tell myself "I love Shizumasa-sama", something in me does not feel satisfied, and my heart doubles over in more pain. And then it heals with a quiet word from Takanari-sama, a smile from him, a touch on the arm from him. He heals any hurt I feel just by being there; even the one's he caused begin to fade. What is it I feel for him? It cannot be love, can it? Shizumasa-sama is my one and only love! Right?

Shizumasa-sama though, you are so very sick. Takanari-sama had the good fortune to be born strong and well; but maybe that is also his misfortune for he must masquerade as you. I think that hurts him very much. Takanari-sama wants to be himself, not his brother. We laughed so easily together, and we still do, and I think that laughter between us is slowly healing the wounds he caused. Maybe, just maybe, what I feel for you Shizumasa-sama, I feel for Takanari-sama just a little more intensely? Whenever I think of Shizumasa-sama, my mind flows to Takanari-sama and that little voices says something I cannot quite hear…

Takanari-sama says he's loves me and he says it is not an act. Is he lying again? He certainly seems truthful, but is he really? Shizumasa-sama never lied to me, not directly, but he hurt me so much in the beginning. How could that have all changed? But I still feel happy with him, as if he never had hurt me. His strong voice pulls me in and I cannot seem to deny it. I love the sound of his voice. My heart leaps when he says my name. Whenever I push him away, my heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Is it because…

There is a door deep inside my heart, and someone has been knocking at it. I want to be embraced by that person. I realize that that person is the one I truly love. Is it him, Takanari-sama, or you, Shizumasa-sama? That book I loved so very much, it cannot answer this question for me. One of you knocks at the door in my heart, but my courage has always failed me when I wanted to open it. The time for fear has passed; I will open that door and suddenly, I can hear what the voice was saying. It is "him" that I love. Truly, surely, it must be "him" who I want to be embraced by.


End file.
